Just Love..You can't Lose

I have learned that love is not centered solely around one person. Its not just one feeling..
Love is a mother believing in her child and pouring so much into her after being let down one to many times.
Love is a father giving his baby the freedom to fly knowing she will crash and hurt herself multiple times before getting it right. Knowing when its the right moment to give guidance or let them learn the hard way.
Love is looking into the eyes of your little sister and knowing you can not shelter her from all the things that will hurt her. Because just like you she will have to learn for herself. As much as you wish you could take all the pain for her all you can do is hold her and let her feel it all because that's what is molding her into the strong beautiful women she will be one day.
Love is the way a friend can lay her hand on your open wounds no matter how disgusting they might be. The way they desire to understand your mess of thoughts you don't even understand yourself.
Maybe that's what love is...Understanding. I really think people overlook how intimate the act of being understood is. Its not easy to find either. People you can trust don't grow on trees but I've been blessed with several. I am so in love with every color of their soul and the darkest corners of their hearts. Yes I really mean I'm in love. When I tell my friends I love them I hope they know I don't use those words lightly. I really mean it. I love their loud goofy laughs and their moody grunts in the morning when its too early to talk. I love the good times we share but I will sure as hell be there for the bad times too.I love their quirky habits, the unique things that set them a part from others and even the parts they have trouble loving themselves. I fall in love with flaws and imperfections because I know the bravery it takes to be vulnerable enough to expose your scars. Maybe that's when you know you love someone when you don't feel like you have to run when things get dirtier than you expected. When you are able to look at the most revolting parts of yourself with someone else and they don't flinch. Its freeing, beautiful and absolutely terrifying!
I have always been afraid of losing people and its hard for me to put myself out there but I have realized in order to love someone you don't have to pin them down and hold on forever. People will come and go and you can let them take pieces of your heart with them. That doesn't mean you are broken. I think our hearts were made big enough to share a little piece with everyone we come in contact with. Once you realize that you begin to find love in everything..I fall in love with laughter, the light in people eyes and the passion in their voices. I fall in love with sunsets, thunderstorms, music, and the way it makes me feel. I fall in love with moments that have passed but can be repeatedly revisited in my mind. When you find love in every aspect of your life it becomes an exciting adventure. Don't be so afraid of losing people. Some people are only meant to be a small part of the story. It's ok to let your guard down, share smiles, laughs and memories with people just passing through and then turn the page and start another chapter..

Daily Reminders

Reading through one of my old notebooks from school and found these notes I wrote myself. Its kind of funny but I still find all these life tips helpful today. So here is some advise from my younger self  I thought was bloggable lol

Stop Overthinking Everything 
By overthinking you create problems that weren't there in the first place. STOP! Get out of your head, get some fresh air, and try talking to actual humans. The voices in your head aren't helping you.

Stop Complaining 
It's easy to focus on the things that aren't going your way but you really have so much to be grateful for. Always do your best to focus on the good and less on the bad. There is always a reason to smile! Keep your head up Buttercup!

 Stop Holding onto the Past
Things are going to happen that are completely out of your control and moving on can be really hard but you cant start a new chapter if you keep rereading the previous chapter. Learn what you can from the hard times and remember they are making you stronger.

 Stop Doubting Yourself 
In order to succeed you have to believe you will succeed. You are capable of anything and everything you put your mind to!

Stop Criticizing yourself  
Everyone Messes up. You cant take back your mistakes and you cant hide them. Accept that it happened and learn from it. Regretting and hating yourself for it is giving it control over you. Remember "You are more than the sum of your past mistakes" and there is so much worth loving in 

you. (yeah I quoted Tenth Avenue North)

Stop Holding Grudges
No matter how hurt you might feel always try to forgive. Sometimes its the hardest thing in the world and you probably think they don't deserve your forgiveness but if you cant do it for them DO IT FOR YOU! Holding grudges makes you bitter and steals your happiness. Don't give others control over you like that.

 Stop Worrying so Much 
 "Hakuna Matata!" Worrying just leads to anxiety and nobody has time for that! Stop worrying about the future and try to think about the things that are exciting about the future..  

Be Yourself
Its ok to be different. Stop trying to blend in. The right people will always love you no matter what and more importantly you should love your true self enough to show it off. Never be afraid to show your true colors!

Don't Be Envious or Jealous 
Stop comparing yourself to others. There is only one you and you have so much to be thankful for everyday. Find peace and be happy with what you have. There are plenty of people that probably wish they had the things you have.

Stop Being Afraid
No don't stop being afraid...fear is a good indication that your about to do something big or a little uncomfortable. Its ok to be fearful as long as you overcome it. Get out of your comfort zone, take some risks, and keep trying new things especially if they scare you.

 Take Responsibility for your Actions 
You can try and run from your problems or blame them on other people or things but they are always going to come back. Stop hiding from them. Look at them and deal with them!

 Laugh at Yourself
Don't take life so seriously. If you do something stupid, Laugh it off! Just laugh a lot..Laughing is great!

 You Can't Make Everyone Happy 
Don't constantly chose others happiness over yours. Yes make people happy but if you have to set aside your own dreams, goals, morals, and happiness to do it...DON'T 
Always make sure when you say yes to someone else you are not saying no to yourself.

Don't Place your Happiness in the Hands of Others
Learn to be happy alone. Your happiness should never depend on someone else or something else.

Take every Opportunity you Get
Stop thinking you're not ready! Take advantage of opportunities as they come. Dont be afraid to put yourself out there. You don't have to have it all together. Nobody is perfect and people will love you for your realness. No one else has a story like you. Don't be ashamed of it! Everything that's happening is making you and that will inspire others.

My Fitness Journey

Fitness is more to me then going to the gym a couple times a week and making through my workout so I can go home and watch a movie. It's not about trying to look hot in a bikini or trying to look better than someone else. I started working out when I was at a very low place in my life. Honestly I just didn't really like myself. I treated myself badly and didn't require other people to treat me any different because I didn't know my own self worth. I hate to remember that girl sometimes. I wish I would have taken better care of myself and I wish I wouldn't have let people treat me like they did but I had to get to that low place in order to realize I needed to make some changes in my life. When I started going to the gym I wasn't really concerned about Health. I just wanted to look better and needed a hobby that kept me out of trouble. Even though I was just trying to improve my body I started realizing improvements in my health, my mood, how I viewed myself, and how I viewed life. The gym has become something I look forward to everyday and fitness has become more than just a hobby its a lifestyle. I love the challenge, I love crushing goals, and I want to be the best version of myself possible. I am not the same person I was two years ago. My goal is to be healthy, strong, confident and most of all happy. Everyday is another chance to be better than I was yesterday. I have a long way to go before I am where I want to be but I have literally fallen in love with fitness. I've learned that I am capable of whatever I put my mind to. I have learned to love myself and take care of myself. Its a process, I still struggle everyday but I'm learning everyday and I hope to be able to share my love for fitness with others.

Homesick

"I am homesick for a place I'm not sure exists" I have a burning desire to get out of this town and experience the world. I want to climb mountains, stand under waterfalls, see cities I've never seen, and connect with unique and open minded people. I want to learn everything I can about every culture and fall in love with every sight. I want to taste the freedom of going wherever the wind takes me and not worrying about tomorrow. I don't ever want to fit into someones picture of how I'm suppose to live my life. I'm going to live a life full of mistakes that turned into good lessons, risks that turn into best stories and happiness that's so contagious you cant be around me without catching it. I have a craving for something more and I don't even fully understand it but I will find it.

At the end of my life I would rather have a a passport full of stamps and life full of unforgettable moments than I nice car and nice house full of expensive things.

I Want To Live Not Just Survive

I have always been afraid to express any kind of emotion. I detach myself from people because I might eventually lose them and I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it. I don't necessarily want to be this way but since I've just survived like this for so long it's not an easy change to make. Almost a year ago my grandmother passed away. It was really hard on my family. When I first heard the news it took me a little by surprise but I couldn't even cry. It's not that I wasn't sad I just always feel like I have to resist the urge to cry because I don't want to look weak. It was so hard for me watching how devastated my grandfather was. He gave his entire life to her and just like that she was gone. There is no way to really prepare for that and I'm sure he knew it would happen one day but he never let the fear of losing her keep him from loving her with all he had. What I saw that day was a brave, strong man that wasn't afraid to love no matter how much pain it caused him. I hope I'm lucky enough to find that someday. It showed me how much I am missing out on by being afraid to love. I can go through my entire life with walls up, never truly loving someone, and running from those who care about me but what will I gain from that? Sure I will experience less pain but I will also end up missing so many opportunities to touch other peoples lives and let people do the same to me. The joy that you get from loving and caring for someone without fearing the consequences must be worth feeling a little hurt when you are let down. Feeling pain and walking away from it a stronger person has got to be better than feeling nothing. I want to live my life to its full potential. I'm tired of holding back because of my stupid fears. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. I'm emotional and sensitive and that's ok. Allowing yourself to feel and learn is not a weakness it's a strength. Admitting that you want to be loved doesn't make you needy it makes you human. I want to be able to let my guard down, I want to learn to trust other people, and want to stop trying to keep up the image of how independent and tough I am. The truth is I need other people and I can't keep my emotions to myself anymore.