Just Love..You can't Lose

I have learned that love is not centered solely around one person. Its not just one feeling..
Love is a mother believing in her child and pouring so much into her after being let down one to many times.
Love is a father giving his baby the freedom to fly knowing she will crash and hurt herself multiple times before getting it right. Knowing when its the right moment to give guidance or let them learn the hard way.
Love is looking into the eyes of your little sister and knowing you can not shelter her from all the things that will hurt her. Because just like you she will have to learn for herself. As much as you wish you could take all the pain for her all you can do is hold her and let her feel it all because that's what is molding her into the strong beautiful women she will be one day.
Love is the way a friend can lay her hand on your open wounds no matter how disgusting they might be. The way they desire to understand your mess of thoughts you don't even understand yourself.
Maybe that's what love is...Understanding. I really think people overlook how intimate the act of being understood is. Its not easy to find either. People you can trust don't grow on trees but I've been blessed with several. I am so in love with every color of their soul and the darkest corners of their hearts. Yes I really mean I'm in love. When I tell my friends I love them I hope they know I don't use those words lightly. I really mean it. I love their loud goofy laughs and their moody grunts in the morning when its too early to talk. I love the good times we share but I will sure as hell be there for the bad times too.I love their quirky habits, the unique things that set them a part from others and even the parts they have trouble loving themselves. I fall in love with flaws and imperfections because I know the bravery it takes to be vulnerable enough to expose your scars. Maybe that's when you know you love someone when you don't feel like you have to run when things get dirtier than you expected. When you are able to look at the most revolting parts of yourself with someone else and they don't flinch. Its freeing, beautiful and absolutely terrifying!
I have always been afraid of losing people and its hard for me to put myself out there but I have realized in order to love someone you don't have to pin them down and hold on forever. People will come and go and you can let them take pieces of your heart with them. That doesn't mean you are broken. I think our hearts were made big enough to share a little piece with everyone we come in contact with. Once you realize that you begin to find love in everything..I fall in love with laughter, the light in people eyes and the passion in their voices. I fall in love with sunsets, thunderstorms, music, and the way it makes me feel. I fall in love with moments that have passed but can be repeatedly revisited in my mind. When you find love in every aspect of your life it becomes an exciting adventure. Don't be so afraid of losing people. Some people are only meant to be a small part of the story. It's ok to let your guard down, share smiles, laughs and memories with people just passing through and then turn the page and start another chapter..

Warning! Super Sappy Lovey Dovey Post About My Best Friend

You always hear stuff like "You have to love yourself before anyone else can" and I don't believe that's true. Self love is definitely very important and I agree you shouldn't chase love to make up for the lack of love you have for yourself. but the idea that you are not worthy to be loved until you learn how to love yourself I think is completely false. Everyone deserves to be loved. I think sometimes we need other people that love us to teach us how to love ourselves. Watching someone love you when your not very lovable can be exactly what you need. Susie was my person. When I couldn't find a reason to love myself she told me the reasons she loved me.

Its funny how when you love someone. You start to love the things they love. I hate cats but if she liked cats I could learn to appreciate them. and I guess that's how I learned to appreciate me. I never understood why she didn't just give up on me because I can be very difficult. She is the most patient and selfless person I know and I don't think she will every fully understand how the little things she did made such a huge difference. Our goofy little love notes, spontaneous adventures, long talks, long sitting in silences that were sometimes needed and of course all the laughter. Every time I distanced myself and tried to push her out she somehow made her way back in. Even When I refused to talk about the things that were bothering me having her sitting beside me was all the comfort I needed.

We all go through hard times and if your lucky enough to have a friend that will love you through them despite all your imperfections you have friend that's worth the world! I am so grateful for mine..

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Small Talk

For Someone who hates small talk I sure do make a lot of small talk! It's not always easy to start a conversation about things that are actually important in life so I end up having the same conversations over and over again. I love hanging out with people that I can have real talk with. I don't want to know "whats up?" I want to know about you, the things that make you unique, your flaws, your fears, your funny little quirks. I want to stay up and listen to your raw uncensored thoughts about the things you love, the things you hate or the things you don't quite understand. Tell me about your childhood. I want to hear about your most embarrassing moments, the happy memories you have and the pain that shaped you into the person you are today. I don't want to talk about the weather or listen to the same old complaints about work or school. I would much rather hear what you're learning, your goals, your struggles and what helps you get through them. Those are the things I'm interested in.

I do think there is a place for small talk and I don't think every conversation has to be this deep emotional vomit but it seems we get so use to small talk we don't even know how to have real talk anymore. I just crave a deeper connection with people then "whats up?"

I like people who are happy and make other people happy simply by being present. I like people that make me laugh so hard I cant breathe, I like long conversations under the stars about love, about life, about all the millions of things I am not able to wrap my mind around. I like to watch peoples eyes light up when they talk about something they love. I love people that are so passionate about what they love that they can't stand to not talk about. I'm so drawn to these kind of people and it really doesn't matter to me if its a common interest we have or if we share completely different beliefs. It's a beautiful thing to be able to connect with people with passion and not make judgements because our passions are different. We weren't put on this earth to be the same or to try to make people more like us. Find your own purpose, do your own thing and respect everyone...It's really simple.

Homesick

"I am homesick for a place I'm not sure exists" I have a burning desire to get out of this town and experience the world. I want to climb mountains, stand under waterfalls, see cities I've never seen, and connect with unique and open minded people. I want to learn everything I can about every culture and fall in love with every sight. I want to taste the freedom of going wherever the wind takes me and not worrying about tomorrow. I don't ever want to fit into someones picture of how I'm suppose to live my life. I'm going to live a life full of mistakes that turned into good lessons, risks that turn into best stories and happiness that's so contagious you cant be around me without catching it. I have a craving for something more and I don't even fully understand it but I will find it.

At the end of my life I would rather have a a passport full of stamps and life full of unforgettable moments than I nice car and nice house full of expensive things.

I Want To Live Not Just Survive

I have always been afraid to express any kind of emotion. I detach myself from people because I might eventually lose them and I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it. I don't necessarily want to be this way but since I've just survived like this for so long it's not an easy change to make. Almost a year ago my grandmother passed away. It was really hard on my family. When I first heard the news it took me a little by surprise but I couldn't even cry. It's not that I wasn't sad I just always feel like I have to resist the urge to cry because I don't want to look weak. It was so hard for me watching how devastated my grandfather was. He gave his entire life to her and just like that she was gone. There is no way to really prepare for that and I'm sure he knew it would happen one day but he never let the fear of losing her keep him from loving her with all he had. What I saw that day was a brave, strong man that wasn't afraid to love no matter how much pain it caused him. I hope I'm lucky enough to find that someday. It showed me how much I am missing out on by being afraid to love. I can go through my entire life with walls up, never truly loving someone, and running from those who care about me but what will I gain from that? Sure I will experience less pain but I will also end up missing so many opportunities to touch other peoples lives and let people do the same to me. The joy that you get from loving and caring for someone without fearing the consequences must be worth feeling a little hurt when you are let down. Feeling pain and walking away from it a stronger person has got to be better than feeling nothing. I want to live my life to its full potential. I'm tired of holding back because of my stupid fears. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. I'm emotional and sensitive and that's ok. Allowing yourself to feel and learn is not a weakness it's a strength. Admitting that you want to be loved doesn't make you needy it makes you human. I want to be able to let my guard down, I want to learn to trust other people, and want to stop trying to keep up the image of how independent and tough I am. The truth is I need other people and I can't keep my emotions to myself anymore.